After a long stay away from my home over the summer, I am now back in South Carolina and going to school. As I suspected, the drama has not ceased within this household. The negativity in this house is sometimes almost unbearable and physically painful. It occasionally gets to the point where people who are oblivious to empathy would be brought down by the energy surrounding them.

While I was away I dreaded coming back to this place. Living with people who have no concept of how their ambient energy effects the entire household is infuriating. Especially when they are sending off angry, self-absorbed, stressful energy in tidal waves and look for any opportunity to make you feel unimportant, stupid, worthless, or a waste of space in general. Honestly, I was terrified to come back here. I knew that this place would destroy me, and I thought I would be dead or insane by next summer.

But I have learned something about other people's negativity. I don't have to allow it in. I can make the choice whether I dwell on evil actions, words, and emotions that others bombard me with or whether I let them pass right over me. This realization has made me stronger in many ways.

I have come to understand that I don't have to allow other's to control my sense of self worth by continuously making comments obviously meant to break me. Furthermore, I refuse to give them the satisfaction of knowing they have caused me pain. By showing they have harmed me, or even allowing them to think that I dewll on their words for a single second, they would gain satisfaction from it. Making others feel worthless inorder to build up self esteem is one of the lowest forms of depravity and I will not allow them to use me as their personal ego inflator any longer.

I am stronger that that, worth more than they want me to believe. I Will Not judge my self worth by what other's think of me or what they want me to do. Nobody will control my life or my self esteem except for me. This is my life and nobody will ever tell me how to live it again and proceed to make me feel useless if I do not do as I am expected. I will rise above these rude comments and instead of allowing the heartbreaking words to take root in my mind and grow, I will use them as inspiration to keep going. I will use thier own arsenal against them and thrive, proving how wrong they are about me. I am becoming stronger by the day and success is within reach. Soon I will show them that the very words they used against me in an attempt to shatter my spirit are the same words that perfectly describe them.

Worthless, rude, careless, lazy, ignorant, self-absorbed, hateful, unintelligent, fat, ugly, failure, sinful, emotionless, uncaring, indecisive, futureless, waste of oxygen and space on this Earth

These words hold no meaning for me any longer. Looking at them, I see none that describe me at all. However, they seem to perfectly describe the person who spoke them. Taking out personal insecurities and weaknesses on others is childish, despicable, and loathsome. As if by calling others these names their darkest and most sickening qualities will transfer to another. Unfortunately for them it does not work like that, some things just arn't contagious.

Eternally,
Raven